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While it is not uncommon for Scottish Premiership sides to perform their own version of Brexit in August, something of a nadir seems to have been reached this time around. On Tuesday night, Celtic soiled the sheets against Lask in a spectacular act of self-sabotage, somehow contriving not to qualify for Bigger Cup’s league phase from a tie they led 4-0 on aggregate at one stage. While their humiliation was widely viewed as one for all of fitba, fans of Rangers won’t have shed any salty tears. However, their delight at the status of laughing stock visited upon their bitter rivals was hideously diminished when their own representatives from Ibrox travelled to Czechia, apparently under a banner that read “Haud our bevvies!”

Congratulations to the Reader Formerly Known as Phil Taverner on his letter o’ the day (Thursday’s letters). Not only did the name change bring him instant brand recognition, but, like ‘Sávio’ joining Spurs, it guarantees that any success from here on will be prizeless” – Justin Kavanagh.

Did Phil Taverner write both letters so he’d have a 100% chance of the prizeless win? If so, can I change my name to Phil…

May I…

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